so as I mentioned before, I was in the middle of a break up with John. I was miserable, crying constantly, numb, etc. etc. all the typical breakup stuff.
I’m actually thinking about some kind of guide book to the female breakup. There seem to be a long of things that I feel like all women go through and things all women feel. I’ve been through three different kinds of break ups now, I have a decent understanding. Not fully, but give me a few years.
Anyway, back to my point. So tonight after my friend took me out to dinner, my first meal in two days, I sat online and stared at my aim. John was on and I couldn’t help but wonder what he was doing. I would check his facebook constantly, my facebook constantly, you know, just for any sympathy.
I just never knew if it was okay to talk to him or create some space.
We broke up because me being far away at school caused a significant strain that neither one of us could handle anymore, and also because well, the initial spark to our relationship was gone, we had really just become best friends. It was a different kind of love.
But the sex was still awesome.
Then I noticed a window pop up. It was John, he just wanted to say hi.
I stared a few minutes, not knowing what to do. Eventually I simply replied “hi”.
We talked about things, it was stiff conversation. I was still hurt, he was worried about me, it was a hard time to talk. Eventually I started sharing how I felt, and I got upset. It went on like this for an hour.
Eventually though, something snapped. I just realized that I have half a summer left, it wasn’t worth being absolutely miserable like I was, and it was not worth losing my best friend over.
I can accept that things will be different. It’s hard, but I can accept it. I don’t want to, but I guess I’ll have to.
I love him, I really do. Maybe not in the right way right now. But things felt so right. I guess I can’t help but wonder if it just needs a few years, maybe the spark just took a vacation. Who knows, I don’t even know how that stuff works really.
For now though, I have my best friend back.
and as I write this post, I’m sharing my very tiny twin bed with both my dog and my cat since my mom is out of town. And they have taken over. I have very little space. lol I hope they don’t kick/bite/ or scratch!
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