In light of Britney Spear’s recent shows at “The House of Blues,” and her beginning attempts at a comeback, I have created a short list about why this can never happen. Thus, I give you:
5 Reasons Britney Spears Wont Make A Comeback (at least not a successful one)
1. She has babies. The sheer idea that another man has violated that sacred hole that is Britney Spear’s Vagina is enough to turn away most men. Except for maybe my boyfriend, who claims he would still take a crack at it. I politely reminded him of the Twinkie in the tunnel phenomenon.
2. Her lack of natural hair. You just know that during at least one show, her wig WILL fall off, and she WILL be laughed at, and she WILL cry. And that right there, would end a career that could not even be destroyed by the lip singing fiasco. No, I’m not talking about Ashely Simpson. She has acid reflux remember??!!?!!?!!11one!?!!
3. Her… Habits. Among these include, poor grammar, not showering, forgetting underwear (actually that one might help), eating crappy foods, and not being in general very clean. The poor grammar one is really just a pet peeve of mine, and probably wont affect her career other than make people think she is stupid, which, most of us already know.
4. K-fed. Come on. Do I need to say it? Anyone that thought he was a talented rapper has no musical taste, thus, will never make a comeback in the music industry.
5. Her new music. Granted, she has nothing out yet, but we know what it will be about. She made her money singing about seducing young boys, and becoming a woman, yada yada. Well, she can’t sing about any of that anymore, so she has essentially lost her audience. No one between the ages of 14-19 really wants to hear songs about her children. Children, while cute, are not really… a good idea at that age, and are not what girls want around that time. So if she writes songs about how much she loves her babies, no one is gonna wanna hear that. Yeah, we know your kids are amazing. They are also the product of two very screwed up people. No, we’re not impressed. And I swear, one song about K-Fed, and it’s all over.
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